Day 73

This weekend sucked. Specifically, Sunday and Monday which, in my work week, constitutes a weekend.

On Sunday, I woke up to Fred, one of our cats, meowing loudly. He's normally very vocal, but this was unusual even for him. It was around 7:30, earlier than I had intended to get up, but not by much. Madeline had already left for work at 6.

When I walked into the living room, I immediately knew something was wrong. Mr. Bingley, our angora, was laying on his side in the middle of the room. Rabbits sleep against walls and in corners. Closer inspection confirmed my fears: Mr Bingley had died. It was kind of ironic in a bitter way since it was Easter morning, day of resurrection and all things bunny. It wasn't entirely a surprise, as his brother, Mr. Darcy, had died of a congenital heart condition when he was only a few months old, but Bing had been doing so well. He was becoming incredibly social and more interactive every day. I wrapped him up in one of his blankets, and he's in the freezer now until Madeline can take him to the vet to be cremated tomorrow. Makes me sad every time I'm in the kitchen. It's not a great picture of him, kind of blurry, but I don't have many that show his cute face.

Unfortunately, even death does not exempt me from familial obligations, so I packed up to go to my grandparents and then to my parent's overnight. Holidays used to be raucous events with tons of extended family at my grandparent's house, but their health has been declining and they've moved into a small assisted living community. My grandmother has been progressively slipping into dementia. She is unfailingly polite, but recognizes only my grandfather. My grandfather is there mentally, but his physical health is increasingly worrisome and he's so proud and stubborn that he refuses most assistance that the two of them desperately need. They're not going to be able to live on their own much longer, and the past few holidays have been quiet, awkward and somber affairs.

And then there's the issue of staying at my parent's house. I love my parents, but being in their presence for too long makes me feel 14 again. And I really, really hated being 14. I know that there's a lot of emotional baggage there.

Just to top things off, I spent my Monday morning in the DMV replacing my license. When I get stressed out, I lose important things, primarily my cell phone, keys and now my license, and it had been missing for a little over a week. I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the apartment, but I didn't want to go too long without it. It took two hours, mostly waiting in hard plastic chairs in a very crowded waiting area with many unhappy and restless children. I really wouldn't recommend it to start off your week.

And the food. I packed enough healthy raw food to see me through Easter and my overnight stay. I didn't have to bother telling anyone that I was eating raw, since providing food for myself has been my responsibility ever since going vegan. I did pretty well for a while, but once I got to my parent's house Sunday night, I ate crap: a ton of italian bread, apple pie and chocolate. It was all vegan (although the cheese doodles were looking tempting at the end of the night), but it wasn't a treat, and I wasn't enjoying myself. I was emotionally eating, and I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself. Such a crappy feeling, and my body has been kind of thrown off ever since.

I know that a large part of my success and happiness in eating raw comes from the fact that Mad and I have created a healthy and raw environment in our kitchen. If I lived with someone who ate a typical American diet, it would take tremendous willpower for me to stick to my raw food when I got upset or overwhelmed. I am even more grateful that this is something Mad and I do together, and I have a lot of respect for anyone who can eat raw without that kind of support system.

It's just going to be a rough couple of weeks. It's the final push to the end of the semester, to graduation, and I'm stuck under a mountain of work with no idea how I'll complete it time. I know I will, since I always do, but it's going to be a lot of late nights in the library, that's for sure. Yesterday and today, I've been doubling up on my greens, mostly in smoothie form, and eating a lot of fresh fruit. No nuts or oils for the time being. It's kind of a mini-cleanse, and I'm feeling better for it. I just wish the sun would come out. This dreary rain is not helping.

-Eloise