Now with 90% more knitting!

So my blog has felt completely unmoored by the lack of raw foodism going on around here, which is good for me, but leaves little writing fodder. And as it turns out, I like to write.

I am, however, a girl of obsession - if not food, then school or another project- and my longest running obsession has been my aforementioned knitting habit. I love to the think about projects and yarn, pairings of color and construction details. I rarely work from patterns, preferring to sit down with a tape measure, a calculator , graph paper and my trusty copy of Vogue Knitting to calculate the things in my head. My favorite phase of knitting comes prior to picking up the needles, that breathy anticipation of possibility. I am the seemingly rare monogamous knitting who works on one project straight through to completion.

This summer has been particularly fruitful (ha! fruitful. I slay me.) in the knits. I've cranked out a half dozen kerchief scarves since spring, which are my favorite accessory. I have also knit 1.5 sweaters. Although it feels more like three or four, since the 2nd sweater has been frogged twice at near completion due to some serious shaping flaws. And I have this cardigan that's been flowering in my head all afternoon.

It ebbs and flows. Last week I was feeling very stagnant, frustrated with the constant frogging-and-reknitting that my current project seemed to require, but today I feel excited and energized. So much so that I logged into blog about my love of knitting.

It's an odd coincidence, then, that as soon as I logged in, the first post to appear on my blog reading list was Jacey's latest podcast over at Insubordiknit. I have a crazy knitter crush on Jacey (ask Madeline, who was roped into my game of 'Let's see if we can meet her' at this past year's Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival- we did, as documented here), and her podcast is so smart and funny, but this one is particularly special, to me anyway. In it, she tells my story.

I haven't listened to it yet, although I will as soon as I get home. I'm excited! And nervous! It's not a story I tell often. The whole Christian-girl-turned-mental-patient-to-finally-become-gay-and-happy is too convoluted for cocktail parties (or the open bar nights I'm more likely to attend), and there's a lot of raw emotion still associated with it. As far as most of the people in my life are concerned, I am distant kin to Athena, mortal (not goddess) sprung forth fully formed at 19 without a past and moving only forward. It's comfortable that way. But everyone has a story, and this one is mine. Maybe you can relate. And maybe it will facilitate understanding. Or maybe you'll be entertained.

So go listen!

-Eloise

P.S. Ever important yarn details: both knits pictured are small generic triangle shawls made from the following yarns:

1. Drops Alpaca and Bijou Basin 50/50 Yak Down/Fine Wool trimmed with Koigu
2. Noro Silk Garden Sock with picot bind-off

There would be more pictures of many more kerchiefs, but my camera is being repaired by Canon. Again.

Day 119

Cell phone pictures while hiking. MySpace-tastic!

I am happy. Everyday without fail, I've been running, hiking or walking. Everyday I sweat. Going raw has given me energy, but becoming active has given me life.

That is all.

-Eloise

Day 115: pt 2

Fred blissed out on catnip

Happy picture to balance out the glum. The cats always make me smile.

Also, this morning while I was hiking, a frog and a butterfly crossed my path. I almost wish I'd brought my camera with me, cause the frog was just chilling while we studied each other for a while, but it's nice to be present in the moment without thinking of the next. I'm trying to do that more.

I just got back from a walk around my neighborhood, and I feel better. Moving always helps.

-Eloise

Day 112

The current state of the fruit table. Minus the watermelon. I cut that up for dinner.

I want to be a runner. I want to be the type of person who says, "I went on a short five mile run this morning" as if it was no big deal. I want to run a marathon. I want to look good in spandex shorts.

My dad's a runner, and it's something I've always really admired about him. I remember being in 6th grade and getting on the bus at an ungodly hour on a cold winter morning. We were all bundled in parkas with hats and mittens. As the bus rolled down my street, we passed my dad who was heading home from his morning run. In shorts. One of the cool boys on the bus exclaimed, "That's so hardcore! That guy's running in shorts!" And I was so proud to say that was my dad. He's run multiple marathons. He ran the Marine Corp marathon in 1994,the same year as Oprah, and passed her on the course. He doesn't run as much lately, but he's still heavily involved with his local runner's club, helping to organize races.

It's not that I haven't had the opportunity or tried before, but I've never gone about it the right way. I always push myself to go too far too fast in the beginning. So that's my motivation to starting Couch to 5k. It's meant to ease a beginner into running through interval training By the middle of the summer, I should be running a little over three miles regularly. That's the plan, anyway.

Today was day one, and it went well. My running was a respectable pace, and I tried to pay close attention to my form, so I don't set myself up for bad habits later on. I didn't get a stitch in my side and I didn't feel like my lungs were going to burst, all of the hallmarks of my previous running experiences. None of the neighbors pounded on the door because of how loud the treadmill is, which I was kind of afraid of. We talked to them, but you never know. Oh, also, instead of timing myself or watching the distance, I'm using this podcast, which is working out really well.

So here's to being more like my dad! I never, ever thought I would say it, but somehow I am becoming more and more like him every day. I kind of accidentally became an engineer, and now the whole running thing. I suppose there are worse things. I'll just skip the mustache, thanks.

-Eloise

Day 111

Yesterday, the back of my living room looked like this:

Today, it looks like this:
As an aside, why are cats never attracted to the thing specifically purchased for them, but run right to the new, shiny thing you'd rather not have them sitting on?

So our treadmill is here! We paid extra to have it delivered and set up, which was totally worth it. First of all, we're on the fourth floor and this thing weighs more than both Mad and I combined. Also, assembling Ikea furniture typically results in us not on speaking terms for a good couple hours. I guarantee if we tried to put this thing together, this would be an entirely different post.

Now we have no excuses left for not exercising and one very big and expensive reason why we should. Also, when you think about it, in the long term, we'll be saving money by not buying exercise apparel. I'm totally running in a sports bra and sneakers. Maybe undies. We'll see. I'm heading out shortly to get fitted for some new running shoes, and tomorrow starts day one of couch to 5k. I'm still going to the park to hike every other morning. Outside is good.

I haven't been posting a lot about food lately, cause honestly, it's boring. Madeline and I are doing 80/10/10, which is really amazing so far. It really makes sense with what I've thought all along: nuts are way too high in fat and calories, and getting into shape is not going to happen on a high fat diet. Even if it is raw. So mostly we eat fruit. Today so far, I've had 1/2 lb of strawberries and 9 peaches. I'm going to grab a bag of grapes to take with me on my way out. I'll make big salads for us tonight for dinner. Nothing really blog worthy.

I was just emailed some more pics from graduation, so here's one more that I love of Madeline, myself and my best friend, J:

-Eloise

Day 108

With my little brother. So to speak.

It's official! I am officially a college graduate. It's really amazing. I was looking forward to finishing, but the sense of accomplishment that I felt walking across the stage was incredible. I have worked so hard for this. High school was a very difficult time for me, and I barely graduated. For a few years, I worked unfulfilling jobs and really had no purpose. When I made up my mind to go to college, though, it was for me, and I was determined to do my best. I said no to a lot of parties, I forewent nights out to study, and there is a chair in the library that perfectly conforms to my butt from the hours I've spent sitting in it.

Forgive me, then, if I take the moment to revel in my accomplishments. On Friday, there was an award ceremony where I received an award and a complimentary membership to a professional organization in my field. On Sunday, I graduated summa cum laude with a perfect 4.0 cumulative GPA. I was also given an award for the highest scholastic achievement in my school (there are five schools that comprise my university). I was also awarded a research assistantship position and in exchange for 20 hours of research a week, I get complete tuition remission and a stipend.

At the award ceremony with my parents

And I am so excited for grad school. I think before it felt like just a continuation of school, but graduation really helped to frame my undergrad. I'm excited to start with a fresh slate and I'm excited to get into new research and I'm really motivated to work.

Before that, though, I have the whole lovely summer ahead of me. I'll still be working, but my schedule is flexible and I'll have three whole days off, two of which coincide with Madeline's days off. I'll be running, going to park, hiking, painting the apartment, cleaning out all the clutter we've accumulated, and just basically taking time to relax.

I'll be honest, this has not been the raw-est weekend... there may have been some tequila along the way. But I've been reading 80/10/10 and mono-mealing bananas today, and I feel really good about going further with my diet. I'm feeling the raw love again.

-Eloise

Day 102

Yarn: The Fibre Company's Canopy Fingering in River Dolphin

50 % Baby Alpaca, 30% Merino, 20% Bamboo

In the spirit of studying and research, I thought I'd explore a topic I raised the other day: the eco-friendliness of supposedly green fibers. This is distilled from a research paper I completed earlier in the year. Some of my (vast, vast) audience may be incredibly boring, so please bear with me until the next post, but if you find it informative, let me know!

Is bamboo really a green fiber?

Once regulated to ornamental gardens, bamboo has seen a recent surge in the American textile products. A newcomer to the market, bamboo fiber was developed in Beijing University in 2002 (Orensten). With a natural abundance of bamboo and a vast textile production industry, it was an ideal innovation for the country, and China remains the only manufacturer of bamboo textile products (Everman). Currently in the United States, bamboo can be found in everything from tee shirts to sheeting and towels. In some aspects, it is the ideal sustainable fiber. “[It] grows as much as 18 inches in a day, maturing to a harvestable size in three to five years, compared with 50 to 100 years for most hardwood species” (Stark). It is naturally resistant to most diseases and pests, requiring minimal pesticides and fertilizers. It also requires very little water, particularly in contrast to cotton (Koprowski). Once planted, bamboo will maintain a root network that will continually produce new shoots, eliminating the need for replanting (Lackman). As a plant, bamboo is incredibly environmentally friendly and sustainable.

However, the thick fibrous grass is not naturally suited to textile use and requires extensive processing. Bamboo is a regenerated cellulose fiber, meaning it must be liquefied and reconfigured into fiber form, either through mechanical processing or chemical processing. Mechanical processing incurs minimal environmental damage. It involves masticating the plant into a pulp and using natural enzymes to further break it down. The natural fibers can then be combed out and spun into yarn. This process is lengthy, expensive and not widely used. Fabrics made from yarn that is processed in this manner is often referred to as bamboo linen, as it is similar to the linen processing (Lackman).

More common is the use of chemical processing, similar to that of rayon. The bamboo is made into a pulp in a chemical bath of sodium hydroxide and carbon disulphide. The detrimental effects of both of these compounds are widely documented. Sodium hydroxide, which is also known as caustic soda or lye, is extremely corrosive and pollutes soil and groundwater, and exposure to carbon disulphide can result in neurological damage. Excessive exposure can be fatal (Stainsby). The liquefied bamboo is then extruded into fine fibers and set with an acid bath.

Bamboo also is the subject of widespread greenwashing. It is widely purported that bamboo has natural anti-microbial properties. According to the Japan Textile Association, who worked in conjunction with Bambro Tex®, the Chinese company that originated commercial bamboo textile production, it contains a unique bio-agent, dubbed ‘bamboo Kun’, which is naturally anti-bacterial. Many clothing manufactures and news outlets have perpetuated this theory. The American Fox news has reported, “…bamboo contains a natural element called “bamboo kun” which serves as a natural antibiotic, protecting the wearer from nasty germs as well as body odor, which is caused by bacteria living in our armpits” (Stark). However, in tests conducted by researchers at Colorado State University’s College of the Applied Human Sciences, bamboo fabric was not found to be antimicrobial. Subhash Appidi, who collaborated on the project, found it comparable to other cellulose based fibers: “All cellulose fibers allow more moisture to leak in and provide more food for bacteria to eat. That’s why bacteria grow more on natural fibers rather than synthetic fibers” (Marsh). While the process of producing bamboo may be green, the production is found to be lacking.

Works Cited

Everman, Victoria. "How Green Is Bamboo Fabric?" 4 Oct. 2007. 20 Apr. 2009

<http://victoria-e.com/2007/10/04/how-green-is-bamboo-fabric/>.

Koprowski, Gene J. "How Green Is Bamboo-Based Clothing?" Fox News 14 Feb. 2008. 18 Apr. 2009 <http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,330621,00.html>.

Marsh, Charmayne. "Ajoy Sarkar Investigates the Properties of Bamboo Fabrics." 11 Apr. 2008. College of the Applied Human Sciences. 18 Apr. 2009 <http://www.cahs.colostate.edu/news/item/?ID=550>.

"Natural Anti-bacteria of Bamboo Fiber." BambroTex. 18 Apr. 2009 <http://www.bambrotex.com/second/bc_nab.htm>.

Orensten, Evan. "Bam Clothing." Cool Hunting. 18 July 2006. 18 Apr. 2009 <http://www.coolhunting.com/archives/2006/07/bam_clothing.php>.

Stainsby, Sam. "Beware the Bamboo Greenwash." Junk Mail from the Universe. 15 May 2008. 20 Apr. 2009 <http://sam.stainsby.id.au/blog/?p=16>.

Stark, Judy. "Bamboo Growing Like Weeds In The Fabric Market." Bamboo Clothes. 21 Oct. 2006. St. Petersburg Times. 18 Apr. 2009 <http://www.bambooclothes.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=bamboo_fabric>.

-Eloise

Day 98

I look better in the picture on the right. But Madeline looks better in the picture below. I am going to post both, cause I'm considerate like that. ;)

I am heavily mired in finals (still), but I can see the end! One week and two days from now, I will have already walked across stage to, well, not get my diploma. They mail that later. But I'm sure it will be significant and symbolic all the same.

I have to say that at this point, raw has become rather rote. In a lot of ways, it's easier than just being vegan. When I'm heading to the library for a marathon research and study session, I dump the fruit bowl into my bag, and I know that I'll be good for the day. I used to think that just fruit and veggies were never filling, that I needed that starch to fill me up, but without bread and crackers in my diet, an apple hits the spot. I've been heavily subsisting off of apples lately.

Mad and I did venture down to Maryland Sheep and Wool last Sunday, which was fantastic, particularly if you have an affinity for the smell of wet sheep. It rained all day, as it has the entire week. We combated the slightly dismal prospect of traipsing in the mud with wet toes by tailgating in my car prior, hence the MySpace-esque self portraits. I do so wonder sometimes if perhaps I have been too academically minded when one of the highlights of my college years include pre-gaming before a yarn festival, but there you go. I had a lot of fun, and I scored some gorgeous yarn.

The best part of the day was getting to meet Jacey from Insubordiknit. I love her gorgeous yarn and her blog and her podcast, and she is just as sweet and funny in person as she is online, even after I accosted her introduced myself out in the open as we were all rushing from tent to tent to find cover. I had heard that she was going to be there on Sunday, so I admit, it was a goal of mine to meet her (and in the car on the way home, I kept asking Mad, "Was I a huge dork? I'm always much cooler in my head"). I have a piece that I submitted to her for an upcoming podcast, so stay tuned for forthcoming details!

-Eloise

Day 92

Incidental salad face

Three months raw. I just did a quick tally in my head and have figured out that we've eaten cooked meals 6 times in the last 92 days, which I think is pretty impressive. It's getting a lot easier to eat raw now that it's getting warm. I am really looking forward to the summer. Graduation is two weeks from tomorrow, and this will be the first time I'm not taking classes during summer term in three years. I know that it's going to be difficult for me not having Madeline around, though. Her work schedule has been really intense: 12-18 hours a day five, sometime six, days a week, and it's been a huge adjustment. I am incredibly happy that she's enjoying her work and finding it fulfilling, but selfishly, I do miss her very much. I will be working this summer, but I'll still have a lot more free time. I'm going to make the best of it and really focus on myself and my well-being over the coming months.

One thing that Mad and I have both noticed-reproductive organ alert- is that eating raw is kind of screwing with our periods. For years, Mad was on a consistent 27 day cycles, but she's been rather irregular these past three months. I have always been very irregular, but the time between ovulation and actually getting my period has noticeably lengthened and the physical symptoms, primarily bloating and tenderness, have become acute. I'm really not enjoying this development. I've been reading very good things about evening primrose oil, though, and I'm going to try taking supplements next month to see if that helps.

Tomorrow, Mad has a rare day off, and we're traveling to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival, which I am incredibly excited about. I have a huge batch of kale chips dehydrating and I made a giant fruit salad, so hopefully we'll have enough provisions to sustain us through the day. I highly doubt we'll find any raw vegan food among the fried oreos and lamb kebabs at the fairgrounds.

-Eloise

Day 80

Banana bread

I don't like to take medication frivolously, but this sinus thing had gotten to a point where it was almost intolerable. A friend suggested to me that I might be suffering from allergies, since hers had been acting up, but I'd never had them in the past, so I dismissed that.

After work on Saturday, I went to Whole Foods to get something holistic that would hopefully help. It seemed that everything I picked up that was clearly meant for sinus pain, though, was also blatantly not vegan with gelatin or lactose. I must have stood there for a while looking very confused because before I knew it, I had a sales girl on either side of me, one of whom was trying to convince me that it was only a little lactose and the other pushing herbs at me that I hadn't researched and had no clue if they would help. And everything was at least $20. I was overwhelmed and I left without buying anything.

On the way home, though, the pain was particularly bad, and I turned into CVS. I found the box of Tylenol labeled "Sinus pain and congestion" and I bought it without hesitating. It's not vegan. It's not natural. But it said that it would work for my symptoms, and it has. Plus it was like $5.

Before I went to bed that night, I went to take another dose and found two boxes in the medicine cabinet where I had previously placed the one. I thought maybe Madeline had picked up some, too, maybe because she was tired of hearing me gripe, so I called to her in the living room:

"Mad! Did you get more sinus meds?"

"No, I saw that you had bought some, and I remembered that you had some from last year when you went through the same thing."

Oh. So maybe it is allergies. At least I can be better prepared next time I need medication and hopefully stock up on something natural in advance.

I made banana bread yesterday that we ate last night. It was my favorite kind of recipe: quick and simple where everything is just thrown together and the hardest part is having to wait until it's dehydrated enough to eat it. I used this recipe ( 1 cup flax meal, 1 cup ground sesame, 5 bananas, 2 T agave, 2 tsp vanilla, cinnamon to taste, saved in the event that the link ceased to work) from the Raw Freedom Community. I added a handful of chopped walnuts, because banana nut bread is so much better. I spread it about 1/4 inch thick on parchment paper and dehydrated for 12 hours, flipping after about 6 and removing the paper.

It was very good when it came out, warm and soft in the middle. It was slightly flaxy, but tasted so similar to the baked breads I remember that I felt a bit bereft without a slather of Earth Balance margarine. Oh well. It was good, but I think I'm over bananas for the time being.

-Eloise

Day 78

It might not look like much (and the brown plate probably didn't help with presentation), but last night's dinner was. Really. Damn. Good. It's probably one of the most satisfying meals I've made, and my only complaint is that I should have made more.

The bread is another batch of onion bread, originally from here. I made a double batch, replaced the oil with an avocado, halved the Nama Shoyu and made up the difference with water. Dehydrated for 24 hours, flipped at 12. It was perfect, not too salty this time.

The burger is a marinated portobello cap. I de-stemmed and de-gilled them and marinated them for about 12 hours in the juice of 1/2 lemon, 1/4 c olive olive oil, 1/2 t garlic powder and dashes of oregano, basil and sea salt (per cap). The only thing I would do differently would be to set the mushrooms to marinate the night before. They could take it, and it would have saved me time in the morning.

We have onion bread left over and some button mushrooms in the fridge. I think I might try marinating them and making mini-sandwiches for dinner tonight.

-Eloise

Day 76

It's been a very long week that was capped off with an audition and interview for the role student speaker at commencement. I'm very excited to have been nominated- there are 10 of us auditioning- but it was nerve wracking! I recited the first few minutes of Margaret Chase Smith's famous "Declaration of Conscience," which, by the way, is an amazing speech (you know, if you're in the mood for that sort of thing). I think it went fairly well, but we'll see. I also think it's a funny coincidence that my speech audition and the Day of Silence fell on the same day.

I've finally gotten my sun, but the kind-of-feeling-sick from earlier in the week has blossomed into full blown holy-crap-my-sinuses-are-going-to-explode. So I enjoyed it while I was on campus today, but opted to come home and curl up on the couch with some knitting instead of heading out to the park.

I needed some comfort food when I got home, so I made a banana shake. It was the perfect thing.

Urban Escape
2 pitted dates
1.5 c warm water
2 frozen bananas
splash of vanilla
dash of cinnamon

Soak the dates in the water for 20 minutes ( or as long as you can stand it). Add the dates and water to the blender along with the bananas, vanilla and cinnamon. Blend until creamy.

I was still kind of hungry when I finished it, though, so I made myself another, with the addition of 1.5 T cocoa powder for a chocolate version. Definitely what I needed this afternoon.

-Eloise

Day 74

Fred, Ethel, Naomi and Ruthie

Thank you so much for all the kind words yesterday. It really meant a lot to know that you guys are out there caring what goes on in my day. :)

Alright, so here's the negatives: it's still raining (the sunny picture is recycled... I've been lacking picture taking motivation, but I don't like to post without one) and I'm starting to feel like I'm getting sick. I also don't have the job that I thought I would this summer, so I very quickly need to figure out what I'm going to do about that.

On the bright side, I feel much more centered today and way less stressed. I sent in the acceptance form that accompanied my graduate school acceptance letter, so in a few short months, I will be engaging in post-collegiate studies (which I'm sure will stress me out, but at this distance, it feels good).

I've tried two raw staples in the past few days: kelp noodles and fresh juice. To start with, I really detested the kelp noodles. Mad and I split a package with pesto, and it was a very sad waste of pesto. I think in my mind I was hoping for a real pasta replacement, but the texture is odd. I don't know how to describe it, except to say that for soft noodles, it's crisp. Also, I get this strongly off-putting burnt plastic aftertaste. I'm sure it's just a sea-weedy taste, and Madeline didn't notice it at all, but I couldn't eat more than a few bites. This is a good thing, though, because now it means that I won't be addicted to ordering packages of these pricey noodles. Shredded zucchini is much better.

As for the juice, I was at my local health food store and decided to treat myself to a carrot, celery and beet juice. I'm really addicted to my smoothies, but I know that there are circles that are really adamant about the benefits of juicing. First of all, it was delicious and shockingly sweet. I had no idea that carrot juice could be that sweet. I think I drank it too quickly, though, or maybe should have opted for the small instead of the large, because it really gave me a jolt. I felt like I had drank something caffeinated, but not in a good way. Caffeine makes my head buzz and my stomach hurt, and this was very similar. I think this might have been because of the rush of sugar without the fiber to slow absorption.

Needless to say, I won't be swapping out my smoothies for juices any time soon, but it got me thinking. Sweetening my smoothies with carrots seemed like a very appealing idea. I'd tried to make a blended carrot, apple, ginger juice once before, but there was way too much fiber to blend and I couldn't drink it. In the order that I had placed with The Raw Food World recently, I'd purchased a nut milk bag on a whim. I'm not sure why because it was pricey considering the fact that I don't see myself making many nut milks, but all of the sudden, it was perfect.

When I got home last night, I blended about 6 carrots and 3 apples together in my blender with a water to get things going. I then strained it through the nut milk bag to make juice and then used that as the base for a giant smoothie with a ton of greens. It was really, really good, although admittedly sweeter than the smoothies I'd gotten accustomed to drinking recently.

I also had plans for the pulp. A few weeks ago, Madeline and I tried a slice of raw cheesecake from Awesome Foods, and Mad particularly liked the crust, which had apples. She asked if I could make apple cookies, and I'd been mulling it over for some time. Most of the recipes I found were very heavy on nuts, which, as always, I'm reticent to use, even for a dessert. One recipe called for apple pulp, though, in addition to nuts, so having just produced some, I thought I'd play around with it.

Prototype 1 was made last night with the apple/carrot pulp, agave, maple syrup, flax meal and cinnamon. I dehydrated for 12 hours and my taste test this morning was definitely positive. I'll have more conclusive evidence after dinner tonight. I'm going to try another version soon using dates to sweeten, though. I didn't think of it until afterwards, but I think that's definitely the direction I want to take these. When I perfect it, I'll post the recipe.

-Eloise

Day 73

This weekend sucked. Specifically, Sunday and Monday which, in my work week, constitutes a weekend.

On Sunday, I woke up to Fred, one of our cats, meowing loudly. He's normally very vocal, but this was unusual even for him. It was around 7:30, earlier than I had intended to get up, but not by much. Madeline had already left for work at 6.

When I walked into the living room, I immediately knew something was wrong. Mr. Bingley, our angora, was laying on his side in the middle of the room. Rabbits sleep against walls and in corners. Closer inspection confirmed my fears: Mr Bingley had died. It was kind of ironic in a bitter way since it was Easter morning, day of resurrection and all things bunny. It wasn't entirely a surprise, as his brother, Mr. Darcy, had died of a congenital heart condition when he was only a few months old, but Bing had been doing so well. He was becoming incredibly social and more interactive every day. I wrapped him up in one of his blankets, and he's in the freezer now until Madeline can take him to the vet to be cremated tomorrow. Makes me sad every time I'm in the kitchen. It's not a great picture of him, kind of blurry, but I don't have many that show his cute face.

Unfortunately, even death does not exempt me from familial obligations, so I packed up to go to my grandparents and then to my parent's overnight. Holidays used to be raucous events with tons of extended family at my grandparent's house, but their health has been declining and they've moved into a small assisted living community. My grandmother has been progressively slipping into dementia. She is unfailingly polite, but recognizes only my grandfather. My grandfather is there mentally, but his physical health is increasingly worrisome and he's so proud and stubborn that he refuses most assistance that the two of them desperately need. They're not going to be able to live on their own much longer, and the past few holidays have been quiet, awkward and somber affairs.

And then there's the issue of staying at my parent's house. I love my parents, but being in their presence for too long makes me feel 14 again. And I really, really hated being 14. I know that there's a lot of emotional baggage there.

Just to top things off, I spent my Monday morning in the DMV replacing my license. When I get stressed out, I lose important things, primarily my cell phone, keys and now my license, and it had been missing for a little over a week. I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the apartment, but I didn't want to go too long without it. It took two hours, mostly waiting in hard plastic chairs in a very crowded waiting area with many unhappy and restless children. I really wouldn't recommend it to start off your week.

And the food. I packed enough healthy raw food to see me through Easter and my overnight stay. I didn't have to bother telling anyone that I was eating raw, since providing food for myself has been my responsibility ever since going vegan. I did pretty well for a while, but once I got to my parent's house Sunday night, I ate crap: a ton of italian bread, apple pie and chocolate. It was all vegan (although the cheese doodles were looking tempting at the end of the night), but it wasn't a treat, and I wasn't enjoying myself. I was emotionally eating, and I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself. Such a crappy feeling, and my body has been kind of thrown off ever since.

I know that a large part of my success and happiness in eating raw comes from the fact that Mad and I have created a healthy and raw environment in our kitchen. If I lived with someone who ate a typical American diet, it would take tremendous willpower for me to stick to my raw food when I got upset or overwhelmed. I am even more grateful that this is something Mad and I do together, and I have a lot of respect for anyone who can eat raw without that kind of support system.

It's just going to be a rough couple of weeks. It's the final push to the end of the semester, to graduation, and I'm stuck under a mountain of work with no idea how I'll complete it time. I know I will, since I always do, but it's going to be a lot of late nights in the library, that's for sure. Yesterday and today, I've been doubling up on my greens, mostly in smoothie form, and eating a lot of fresh fruit. No nuts or oils for the time being. It's kind of a mini-cleanse, and I'm feeling better for it. I just wish the sun would come out. This dreary rain is not helping.

-Eloise

Day 69

Scenes from a hike

I love this. For two days in a row, I've had comments that really make me think about the reasons and ramifications of being raw. I'm pretty consistent about responding directly to comments, but once again, I just have too much to say on the subject.

In response to yesterday's post, Jeremy of Stellar Path has asked:

Soup looks delicious. :) But my reason for this post - one thing that I've wondered - what made you decide to go raw and not just high raw? I certainly get the desire to eat a healthier diet; I'm just curious as to how you and Mad made the decision to completely eliminate cooked food (other than your one splurge meal a month) and not just cut back, so you could occasionally have cooked bread, etc.

I've been thinking about this all morning. Most diet books recommend a gradual transition into new habits and making small changes at a time to achieve success. I disagree. I believe in the power of grand gestures, jumping in feet first or not at all. It's like swimming. When the water is chilly, it's torturous to ease in one inch at a time. If you take the plunge, you'll be shocked for the first few minutes, but you'll acclimate a lot faster.

One of the moments that sticks out very clearly in my mind is from the first week or so of transitioning. I was at my weekend job, which is located in the basement of its building that is always freezing cold during the winter. I was eating a cold salad with a crappy vinaigrette (too much oil, far too little vinegar) and I was shivering and miserable. It sucked. It was definitely a low point in this journey, but I stuck with it, and it's gotten much, much better.

Going raw for us is not just about the food we eat. Certainly that's a large part of it, but it's a lifestyle change, a whole new approach to food. To get in the right frame of mind, everything had to go. Like Victoria Boutenko who smashed her family's microwave, I wanted a clean slate (Of course, I didn't actually smash our microwave. I'm hoping to sell it on Craigslist... but metaphorically, I was totally there).

I like having defined parameters that govern our eating habits. Walking into the grocery store, I immediately know what's going into my cart and what's off-limits. There's no quibbling about the bread, it just doesn't go into the cart. I frequently mention that we were junk food vegans, but it didn't start off that way. We used to eat pretty well, especially when Madeline and I were long distance. Like I was saying yesterday, I ate all organic and a decent amount of fruits and vegetables. I had my share of vegan ice cream, but overall I'd say I was pretty healthy.

Whenever Mad and I would see each other every few months, though, it was a time to indulge. We ate pastries for breakfast, made road trips to try amazing vegan restaurants that we'd read about online. Being together was a cause for celebration. I often returned home with my jeans a little tight, but that would remedy itself after a couple weeks on my normal schedule. The problem was that when we moved in together, our bad habits slowly followed. Two years later, we were 20 lbs heavier apiece and looking to make a change. We were already vegan and had cut out meat, dairy and eggs, so raw just seemed to make sense.

I didn't want to go high raw because I didn't want to give cooked foods the ability to edge their way back to the forefront. I mention bread often, because it's really what I miss the most, really great artisan bread. If we had it in the house, I would eat all of it. I just don't want to give myself that opportunity.

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule. I have an insatiable sweet tooth. Madeline, inexplicably to me, is not afflicted. Instead of focusing my energy on making dense, nut based desserts, I have a couple squares of extra dark chocolate a couple times a week, and this keeps me extremely satisfied. I've tried carob and I've tried raw chocolate. It's just not the same. I have a routine and a limit and it works out well. We also drink the occasional glass of wine. For me, it's a nice way to unwind at the end of a stressful day. I enjoy it, and I don't feel like I'm compromising my efforts by imbibing. I'm pretty sure that raw purists would heartily disagree, but although we eat 95-99% raw at home, I wouldn't consider myself a purist.

A few weeks ago, I was reading testimonials of people who have gone raw, and one said (and I paraphrase):

I used to have a great social life, but then I went raw and none of my friends wanted to hang out with me because I didn't want to go to restaurants or bars anymore, so I don't have friends but I've been raw for five years and I look and feel terrific!

Okay, they was more to it than that, but that's the message that came across to me. Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm a homebody. I work three jobs and go to school full time and at the end of the day, I really look forward to going home and getting into PJs. But when I can be coaxed out of my domestic sphere, I really want to enjoy the time I spend with my friends. In some cases, it's easy enough to order a salad or a fruit platter. In others, I wind up getting a cooked (but always vegan) meal. And as an occasional thing, I think it's good. Having friends and being social is another really important factor when it comes to health and well-being. I never compromise being vegan, because that's a moral and ethical stand for me, but raw is a lifestyle choice. It makes me happy to eat raw and it makes me happy to eat out with my friends. If it's been a while, Mad and I may chose to go out for a cooked meal, as well. I don't see that those things have to be mutually exclusive.

I hope that answers your question, Jeremy! In short, we wanted a big change, so it seemed logical for us to eat as close to 100% raw at home as possible. Your mileage may vary.

-Eloise

Day 68

Noodle soup with onion bread

I've been thinking about the economics of eating raw. Autismom mentioned in regard to my last post how similar my crackers look to the ones she buys for $6 a bag. I've purchased similar crackers before as well, and those bags probably contain as many crackers as 1 dehydrator tray yielded for me. My batch made 6 trays and took 2 cups of flax seeds. I purchased about 4.4 lbs from my local health food store for $10 and I still have over half a gallon of seeds left (judging from the overflow of my mason jar storage). There are other ingredients in there; pumpkin seeds, parsley, cilantro, garlic powder, salt... but as with the flax seeds, the cost is nominal.

One of the things that keeps coming up in the forums I peruse is how expensive it is to eat raw. As far as I can tell, that's pretty subjective. Coming from a junk food vegan diet, I know we're spending more. No more $1 boxes of pasta for two nights of dinner. We don't stock up as much on sales because most of what we purchase now is perishable and our freezer space is limited. We used to get by on $100/month for both of us. But we weren't happy and we felt like crap. That's why we became raw in the first place.

On the other end of the spectrum, when I was living alone about three years ago, it was all Whole Foods all the time. I spent around $70 a week ($280 a month) just for myself. I did cook some (I baked a lot), but I was still buying a ton of packaged food. Healthy and organic, but packaged nonetheless.

To be honest, I'm not sure how much we're spending now. I started to keep track when I first started the blog, but it's time consuming and boring. We go to the produce market every couple of days, so it would be a constant update on the prices of produce in our corner of the world. And I don't want to keep track, either. I don't want to feel guilty about how much we spend on food. We get by from week to week since we're not really in a position to save at the moment, and if we can reasonably afford it, I'm not going to worry about it. We buy in bulk where we can ( I have chia seeds, hemp seeds and hemp protien coming my way from The Raw Food World... I am unreasonably excited). I know that we're definitely spending more than we used to, but we're also definitely spending less than I did on just myself. For the most part, we're happier and healthier, and you can't really put a price on that.

We don't buy many organic products. A lot of our produce comes from a local produce market that carries a large percentage of local fruits and vegetables. Their prices are the best around, as well. I feel good about that. I would like to eat organic, but that probably won't happen until I have a salary. Conventional produce hasn't killed me yet, and spinach trumps potato chips any day, fertilizers aside. My sprouting seeds are organic, as are some of my bulk goods. The amount will probably increase as the farmer's markets open and I grow some veggies on our balcony, but it's not something I'm going to stress about.

Bottom line, I don't think that eating raw needs to be any more expensive than any other healthy diet. We minimize the expensive ingredients (mainly nuts and nut butters) and focus on the produce that we get cheap and in abundance. A lot of the raw recipes I look through I reject out of hand. 1 cup of macadamia nuts, 2 cups pine nuts... that's expensive! I mainly stick to the cheaper nuts (walnuts, cashews, sunflower seeds) and I use them sparingly. We only eat a nut/seed based recipe at most once a day, usually dinner. It's better for our hips and it's better for our wallets. We also buy very few packaged food items. Come to think of it, Egg-less salad is the only thing we seem to have on a regular basis. We used to buy granola, but, if I say so myself, mine is better. Everything else, we eat as is or I make from scratch, and that's a huge savings right there.

The picture up top is last night's dinner. It was a good pairing. The soup (from here) was pretty bland and the onion bread (from here) was almost too flavorful. My modifications (there are always modifications) for the soup were to cut the turmeric way down. I doubled the recipe, so for 8 cups of water, I added 1/2 tsp turmeric. Madeline thought it could have used more, but I find it to have a bitter aftertaste, and I poured the first batch of broth with the full amount down the drain. This was about as much as I could take. I used a 1/2 tsp garlic powder, but it probably could have stood to be increased even more. It's not a recipe that would make my greatest hits list, but as Madeline said, it would be good to eat when you're sick. The dehydrated zucchini-as-noodles were really good, so I may wind up using them in a different broth eventually.

For the onion bread, after looking at some of the comments, I only used 1 small onion, which was plenty. I also only dehydrated for about 24 hours, instead of the full 36, because it seemed perfect to eat with the soup. It was soft, but not "undercooked". It was very salty, so I might cut some of the Nama Shoyu with water next time.

It was really weird to use my stove! I heated the soup up on the stove, per the instructions, and made sure that it didn't go above 115 using my instant read thermometer. It was nice to have a warm meal though. The bread was warm, too, fresh out of the dehydrator. It was a pretty good dinner.

-Eloise

Day 67

Yesterday's flax crackers

I am suppressing my school anxiety into housework, or so Madeline tells me. I happen to disagree (she says while while vacuuming the living room with the hand attachment... it's more effective!). I do admit that I was prolific in the kitchen last night. We ate the crackers, as featured above, and they were delicious. I may have spread them a little thin, so they were more crisp-like, but that was perfectly fine by me. The best part is that the recipe made a huge batch of 6 trays, so we have plenty left over for the next couple days.

I placed a big order with Sprout House last week which I received just the other day. I immediately started soaking a blend of barley, oat groats and buckwheat. It's a really easy combination to work with. They only need to soak for an hour and sprout for 24-36 hours with rinses every 4-8 hours and they're done (well, when you put it that way... honestly it's easy). I used them when they had little tails, because the wheat that I had sprouted last week had gotten increasingly bitter the longer it sprouted. This was just right. They require a little extra rinsing because of all the starchiness they release, but there's no hulling at the end. I have determined that I really like sprouting, I don't mind the rinsing, but I abhor the hulling. There has to be a better way than submersing the sprouts in water and flicking out the hulls with a spoon. If you know if one, please let me know!

So once they were ready, I of course had to make granola. I perused dozens of recipes, most too nut heavy for my taste, and finally put together this batch based around this recipe on Gone Raw. Here were my modifications:

Raw Cinnamon Raisin Granola

Dry Ingredients

3 cups sprouts (I used equal parts barley, oat groats and buckwheat)

1 cup brazil nuts, chopped

1 cup dried coconut

1/2 cup sunflower seeds

1/2 cup flax seeds

1/2 cup raisins

Wet Ingredients

8 dates

3 T raisins

2T agave nectar

1/2 T cinnamon

1/2 tsp vanilla

Set dates and raisins to soak in a small bowl with lukewarm water just covering them. Measure dry ingredients into a large bowl. Measure wet ingredients, including the soak water, into a food processor or blender and mix until fully combined. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix by hand. Spread on dehydrator trays with parchment paper (or those non-stick sheets) and dehydrate at 115 degrees for 12-14 hours until desired texture. I like my granola a little chewy, so I took it out just before 12 hours.

I had a really hard time not eating this before it dehydrated. In fact, Mad and I ate some for dessert last night (I finished hers... I have a relentless sweet tooth). It reminded me so much of the instant packets of Quaker cinnamon raisin oatmeal that I used to eat as a kid. So good. I was afraid that I had added too much cinnamon because the wet ingredients were overpowerfully cinnamony, but when it's all mixed together, it's pretty mellow. I would even venture to add some more next time. I did not soak my seeds or nuts this time around, but I will for next. I'm also going to try mixing in more sprouts (quinoa, I'm thinking of you) and chia seeds and hemp nuts.

There's other kitchen goodness going on around here, but even I admit that I'm procrastinating now. More to come!

-Eloise

Day 66

Wake up, lazy butt!

I have come to find that preparation is the key to eating raw (and I'm sure in some sense, this is applicable to healthy eating in general). If I come home at night and intend to make dinner, my options are limited. If we're lucky, there's leftovers. If not, well, it's salad with a vinaigrette. Not bad, but not really satisfying.

If I've planned ahead since the morning, though, I have nuts and seeds soaking and my options are much more varied. If I thought about it the day before, I can have something dehydrating and waiting for us. That's the best. It's like having a slow cooker (but raw!).

My friends tease me about my Mary Poppins-like purse that I carry, and admit that it gets ridiculous (three calculators... I may be an engineer, but even I don't know why there are three calculators in my bag), but there's always a snack stuck in there. There's nothing more disheartening than being stuck in traffic, hungry, and surrounded by inedible food. Being a vegan did prepare me for the phenomenon of scarcity in abundance, but at least we could still keep our eyes peeled for the Taco Bell on the horizon. A grocery store is our best option now, but it's never a sure bet. So keeping a snack on hand is really the only way to go.

Madeline and I have both found that throughout the day, we almost exclusively eat fruits and vegetables. I also drink lot of green smoothies, although she's not really a fan. Sometimes I'll include granola in my lunch tin, but today, for instance, I brought an extra quart of green smoothie in an insulated bag (which, I might add, fits inside my giant bag). It's going to be a long day at school for me. When we get home, we like to sit down to something hearty and flavorful.

Yesterday, I made flax crackers from The Renegade Health Show (my only variation was to throw in a little garlic powder... everything is better with garlic) and they finished dehydrating this morning. Since our dehydrator was a refurbished model, we didn't get a timer, which would have been helpful, but I remedied the situation with a $10 light timer. It worked like a charm. I flipped the crackers last night before I went to bed, set the timer for six more hours and in the morning when I woke up, the dehydrator was off and the crackers were done. I'm pleased.

By the way, if you're making the cracker recipe and you're like me, you haven't watched the video (something about cooking shows, I just don't have the patience). I was kind of confused what to do with the flax seeds after soaking them. It tells you to include the tomato soak water, but not a word about the flax water. Was I supposed to drain them? Regardless, I trudged ahead blindly, assuming that I'd eventually figure it out, and lo and behold. After soak for a half an hour, there's no soak water left. Instead you have plumper, slimier flax seeds. So that solved that.

I'm pretty sure they're going to be great. I haven't gotten a full taste yet, but I nicked a sample this morning when checking to see if they were crisp (from the corner that was missing, I strongly suspect that Madeline did as well). We'll eat them smeared with egg-less salad (scroll down) from Awesome Foods (we don't buy many packaged foods these days, but it's just phenomenal) and a huge salad on the side.

-Eloise

Day 65

It's been a whirlwind around here lately with weeks until the end of the semester and Madeline getting used to her new job. She's home tonight, though, so just a quick update so we can spend time together. I made a rocking dinner two nights ago that Mad requested again tonight and I don't want to forget what I did. It's an adaptation from this Pesto Stuffed Mushroom recipe, a healthier, cheaper version. ;)

Pesto Stuffed Mushrooms
60 white button mushrooms
2 cups basil leaves
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
2 cloves garlic
salt to taste
1/4 cup soaked walnuts

Wash and de-stem the mushrooms (just use your fingers, they snap right out) and set aside. Put everything except mushrooms and walnuts in the food processor and process until well combined. Add the walnuts and pulse until chopped. Using a 1/4 tsp, spoon a heaping spoonful into each cap. Dehydrate 4-6 hours until soft.

They taste like breaded mushrooms. So good.

-Eloise

Day 63

Snacking on the go

I. Need. Kale.

You may have noticed that that's been a trend in my blog over the past week. What I've noticed is that my food cravings are very cyclical. In Victoria Boutenko's books, she stresses the importance of listening to your body for its nutritional needs. It's difficult at times for me to filter out my psychological cravings (No, Eloise, you will not die without bread), but there are strong patterns to my eating habits. The first week, all I wanted were avocados. I was bereft when they wouldn't ripen fast enough. Then it was olives, which I had never liked before. I always picked them out of my food. Two weeks ago were green smoothies. I'm still drinking them on a daily basis, sometimes twice a day, but not as ravenously as I had before.

Last week was mangoes. I needed mangoes. We had picked up five or six that we had to wait to ripen, but once I ate them, I had to have more. Seriously, we made an emergency trip out to Whole Foods to pick up a case of 18 (coincidentally, we ran into the twenty-somethings who live below us heading out for a beer run... the comparison of priorities cracks me up). I picked up a second case a couple days later, and between the two of us, we ate about 40 mangoes that week with me having eaten about 30 of them.

This week, it's kale. I have discovered kale salads, and I am obsessed. Savory with garlic and nutritional yeast, like I made last Sunday or sweet, like Kristen's Candy Kale salad, which I made the other day (and several times for lunch), I love it all. I even managed to make kale chips without eating it all first, which were delicious and really satisfy a chip craving. They're quick, too. Unlike a lot of dehydrated recipes that take 24 hours, give or take, this was about 5 hours to completion. We had some that night and they were even better the next day.

I've realized that it's silly to worry so much about the excessive amounts of kale I'm currently consuming, because this obsession will pass. Like mangoes, of which there are three or four in the fruit bowl, I'll continue to eat it, but it will not be my sole reason for existence. Something else will come along to fill that role, and I'm curious to see what's coming next.

My goal this week is to expand my dehydrator repertoire. I used it to to warm up a soup a made last night (Marvelous Mushroom Soup, doubled with half the almond butter and extra mushrooms to compensate. I thought it was alright, but Madeline really loved it), which worked well, but there's so much I could be doing with it. Top priority is to find a good cracker recipe.

-Eloise