An end and a beginning

Ok. I packed up the scale and hid it in the recesses of a closet. I stopped counting calories and stepped away from the mirror. And I'm no longer calling myself raw.

New eating mantra: Don't eat crap.

What started out as a healthy lifestyle change turned into an obsession with food. I did my research before we started, read quite a few books. If I had them with me, I would pull out some reference quotes, but one claim that kept coming up was effortless weight loss and management. Now, I'm not overweight and I'm lucky enough to have never been overweight, but I've got a woman's body with hips and thighs and a belly and breasts when I so enviously lust after the figure of the small boned and the androgynous, tiny and curveless. I can be so self-deprecating, saying things like, "If I'm wearing the small, what the hell are people who are actually small wearing?" So all this talk about losing weight appealed to me (and my slightly self-destructive side).

But I didn't lose weight without watching calories, and when I did start to watch calories, I was grumpy and hungry, a general pain in Madeline's ass, all for about 3 pounds over a couple months. And the cravings. I was in a constant daydream about pizza, burgers, fries, falafel,... vegan or not, I wanted it all. There were good days and good raw meals, but when I gave 80/10/10 a go, that kind of broke me.

Throughout this, though, working out has been a solace. I feel strong when I'm hiking, cleansed after a run. I finally made it to the community yoga class this week, and it kind of kicked my butt and I was so sore the next day, but in a good way. I'm excited to increase my mileage each week, and I'm excited to increase my endurance. I'm going to keep working out, keep moving everyday, in the pursuit of strength. I'm going to stop comparing myself to others and find my own strength.

So I've abandoned my raw journey and going back to being vegan, albeit a vegan who eats a lot of fruit and vegetables (imagine that!). No junk, no preservatives, no artificial flavors, just real, whole foods. Don't eat crap.

The story could end there, but that's actually where things got interesting. If you've read the blog of a length of time, you may recall that I. Love. Bread. Specifically, a good french loaf, but anything soft and starchy will do. So the first thing we added back into our diets were whole-grain sprouted tortillas and then bagels.

My body freaked the fuck out.

I was crampy and constipated. That lovely complexion I had cultivated during my raw days was marred by deep and painful cystic pimples on my chin and a weird, spotty rash that spread across my chest and upper back. The rash thing happened to me once before a couple years back and lasted for almost six months, during which I reconfigured my entire wardrobe around very high necklines. I was miserable and wondered if I'd ruined my ability to eat cooked food forever. But it occurred to me that I had incidentally been gluten-free for the past few months, and maybe that was the problem. I'm unable to verify this with a doctor, as I don't currently have health insurance, and you have to ingest gluten for a couple months for a blood test to be viable, but I substituted my bread products for gluten free varieties about a week ago, and my skin has almost completely cleared. So who knew? All these years and all the money I've spent on unsuccessful acne treatments, maybe all along I've had an undiagnosed gluten-intolerance. I'm still kind of pouty at my lack of french bread and eating out as a gluten-free vegan seems next to impossible, but I've had surprisingly few cravings since adding more cooked foods to my diet. So far so good.

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep blogging. I don't want to talk about food anymore, because I'm tired of thinking about it. Maybe I'll use it as an all-purpose blog, document my knitting as I had intended a while back. I'm not sure yet.

-Eloise

Day 133

Man, it's so easy to let blogless days slide by. My camera is on its way home to me, though. I find it so much easier to post with pictures to anchor my thoughts.

Raw and I have reached an understanding. We are going to co-exist in a way that makes us both happy. To be honest, with the zeal of a new convert, I pushed myself to be too raw, too hard, too fast, and I was unhappy. After giving strict 80/10/10 a go, I found myself incredibly unsatisfied and unhealthily obsessed with food. It's all I was thinking of, what I was going to eat and what I couldn't eat. Every night as I fell asleep, I was having intense cravings for non-vegan foods that I haven't eaten in years, even things I'd never in my life considered eating. I didn't want to be raw anymore. I barely even wanted to be vegan.

So here are my compromises. I'm sticking with the low fat framework, keeping the percentage of my calories that come from fat each day to 10-12%. I'm eating all fruit and veggies throughout the day. At the moment, I just can't stand to eat a salad, so I'm not pushing it. Instead, I'm getting my greens in smoothies and I've been making wraps for dinner using sprouted grain tortillas from Food for Life. That little bit of bread is making all the difference in the world. To mix it up, I've been experimenting with different dressings. My current favorite was found here, which I'm going to post with my minor mods:

Liquid Gold

1/2 c olive oil

1/2 c water

1/3 c lemon juice

2 Tbsp balsamic vinegar

1/4 c Nama Shoyu

1/2 c Nutritional Yeast

2 tsp Dijon Mustard

1 tsp ground cumin

Shake in a mason jar to mix. Dressing can be kept in a jar with a lid, refrigerated for 2 weeks. Makes 2 cups.

I am loving this stuff.

Other stuff I am loving includes My Daily Plate over at Livestrong.com. Like the cron-o-meter, it can be used to track calories and nutrients, but it's so much more. It can also track exercise, determine your optimal calorie intake based on your goals and includes more packaged food. The abundance of advertising is rather annoying, but being able to log into any computer to track my day is really convenient. Right now, I have my goal set to lose 1.5lbs per week, which for me means that I can take a day off each week to forgo keeping track and let myself indulge a bit without entirely derailing. It's been really great so far and I've already started dropping some of those last few vanity pounds. I sound like an ad for the damn thing, but I'm excited and I wish I'd found it sooner!

-Eloise

Day 122

Four months raw!

My (three-month old) camera had to be sent out to be repaired, so it's going to be cellphone pics or bust around here for the next couple weeks.

Yesterday was the close to the epitome of an idyllic summer day for me. I slept in until 9, cleaned out a closet and hauled out three garbage bags of junk, exercised on the treadmill and then showered all before noon. In the afternoon, I brought a blanket, a book, my knitting and quart of farmer's market strawberries outside and relaxed under a tree in the grass behind by building for a few hours. The perfect mix of getting stuff done and doing nothing.

There are two things that I struggle with that have made this last month of going raw less fulfilling for me than the previous ones: I wind up running the other way when confronted with dogma, and I want to be perfect. These are not new issues, and I know they both stem from getting kicked out of my church when I was a teenager. Being barred from the community that I had devoted myself to makes me question everything, and I cannot accept that there is only one way to live, that any human being has all the answers. However, not wanting to adhere to the rules is in direct competition with my need to prove my worth, to be the best at whatever I attempt.

I've been pushing myself to be more and more raw, more "pure." One by one, I cut out nuts, oils, spices, salt. I've been eating just fruit and veggies. I've felt pretty good physically, but mentally, it's been agonizing. I was craving cooked foods hardcore, and I would have given my right arm for savory. So two nights ago, I made a salad dressing: lemon juice, tahini, maple syrup, ginger, garlic and Nama Shoyu. 1/8 cup of that on a huge salad of spinach, cukes, peppers, basil and tomatoes and all was right in my world again.

I think that happiness is equally important as health, and if I had to choose one over the other, I'd rather be 100% happy than 100% healthy. And I don't necessarily think that cooked food = inherently unhealthy. I've had to step back from some of the raw communities I've been participating in, because sometimes the spiritualism and moralism associated with eating raw can be too much for me. Eating raw does not make me a better person. It does not foster compassion and kindness. It does not bring me closer to God. It's just a way of eating. I'm giving myself permission to step back, to enjoy food and preparing meals again. Still raw for now, keeping the fat around 10-15% of my total calories. But I'm making salad dressing.

I feel like this is a common theme in my blog, perpetual quandaries about what I should be doing versus what I want to be doing, making choices based on other people's perceptions versus making choices for myself. So many of the other raw blogs I read are so happy all the time, jiving with the universe and perfectly content with their raw lives. Part of me thinks that people just aren't talking about what a challenge it can be. I have days where I'm blissfully happy, and if I only blogged on those days, it would be a very skewed picture. Actually, I think I need to blog more when I'm happy, because I typically am. I don't think my blog accurately reflects that.

But other days are difficult. Even now, I feel a degree of guilt about taking a step back, that I haven't lived up to the standards I've set for myself, that I'm not trying hard enough. And maybe other bloggers are perfectly content. I don't know. But tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday, and I'm going to take her out for a not-raw breakfast when she's off from work on Wednesday. And I'm going to enjoy myself without guilt. The next day, we're going to a pick-your-own farm for strawberries, and I have a feeling we'll mono-meal on them for the day. And I'll have fun. And that's what counts.

-Eloise

Day 119

Cell phone pictures while hiking. MySpace-tastic!

I am happy. Everyday without fail, I've been running, hiking or walking. Everyday I sweat. Going raw has given me energy, but becoming active has given me life.

That is all.

-Eloise

Day 105

Nap time, apparently

It's not the best picture, but it definitely made me smile. Yesterday, I walked into the living room and found Madeline and all four of the cats asleep. The first thing I did was get the camera to take a picture. The second thing was to settle onto the end of the couch with a book.

Also. I get it. I've been wondering why I haven't been feeling the raw love lately and why I'm been so emotional. I've been frustrated and upset about things I thought I had moved way beyond, and I've been sabotaging my own efforts at getting healthier. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

As my diet improves and I eat more light and simple meals, I'm also getting rid of one of my main coping mechanisms for suppressing my emotions. I've had so much clarity and insight into myself these past few weeks, but I haven't made the connection to what I've been eating. But come on, that's what emotional eating is, filling an emotional void so we don't have to think about what's really bothering us.

I can see this now. So I'm going to try to work through what I've been going through, try to process it instead of putting it away. This summer is all about me, loving me, taking care of me. It's not selfish, I have to keep telling myself that. I need to take care of myself, and I will be better for it.

-Eloise

Day 100: pt 2

Good morning, creatures!

I was thinking that my entry this morning sounded slightly dismal for a 100 day retrospective. So to supplement that, here's a list of the things I am loving about being raw:

1. Increased energy: I am definitely feeling better, lighter, less weighed down. When I eat all fruits and veggies, I don't feel tired or sluggish after eating.

2. Clear skin: That's one of my favorite changes so far. I rarely break out, and I've been leaving the house without makeup fairly frequently. You have no idea what an accomplishment that is for me. When I was 13, my best friend at the time joked that when I got married, I'd sneak out of bed after my husband went to sleep to wash my face and then get up before him to apply makeup and get back into bed. My, how things have changed.

3. Quick meals: It's true that making raw food can take days. But a salad can be thrown together in minutes and fruit can be eaten as is, and that's what I'm increasingly craving.

4. Getting into shape: I may not yet have a bikini body, but I do definitely have a tee shirt body again. In the last few months before going vegan, I was increasingly reluctant to wear more form-fitting clothes and opted for blousier tops. I'm sure obscuring my figure wasn't helping me to look thinner, but I wanted to hide the weight I was gaining. Although I haven't lost much weight, my stomach is flatter and I'm liking the way I look in clothes again.

5. Wanting to be more active: Changing my diet has encouraged me to start working out again, and that's where the real physical changes are going to come from.

6. Empowerment: I don't really know how to put this one into words, but being more decisive with my food choices has helped me to be more decisive with my words and actions. I feel more grounded and centered, and much more deliberate.

7: Connecting to nature: Wanting to get into shape has gotten me outdoors, and it feels so good to hike in the park and be surrounded by dirt and trees instead of cement and cars. I'm enjoying the sun in small, protected doses, and haven't gotten a sunburn yet this season.

8: Solidarity with Madeline: Like going vegan, eating raw is something that Mad and I have done together. We support each other and we hold each other accountable, and I couldn't imagine doing it without her.

9: Cheap groceries: We're really lucky to have a really inexpensive produce place nearby, and as we've cut way down on the nuts, our grocery bills are now lower than when we eating cooked food. We spend $30-$40 per week for the two of us, and we're eating really well.

10: Okay, I can't think of a 10, but you ending a list at 9 is just wrong. So, uh... oh, it's easier to wash dishes, cause most things we just rinse off, and there are no pots and pans to scrub. There you go, 10.

-Eloise

Day 100

One of many, many salads

100 days! The days seemed to creep by so slowly in the beginning, but holy crap! 100 days now seems like nothing.

You know, I really thought that this raw thing was going to be a piece of (figurative) cake. Eat fruits and veggies, feel great, drop those 10 lbs, easy peasy. After more than three months, though, I'm not where I want to be. After graduation, though, I am recommitting myself to starting over, to eating better and exercising more. To taking care of myself. That's always the first thing I let slide when I get stressed out, and I can only imagine that grad school is not going to get any easier. I stopped weighing myself a couple weeks back, because I wasn't making any progress and it was occupying too much of my mind.

I think that the most difficult thing has been trying to break the habit of using food as emotional comfort. I suppose this is hardly a revelation, nor is it uncommon by any means, but I have the uncanny ability to make even raw food unhealthy (did you know that dates stuffed with cacao nibs taste like an inside out Raisinet? And whereas Madeline will eat half of one and enjoy it, I will eat four and feel guilty).

There has been a really interesting shift going on in both our diets, though. We're eating far fewer nuts, much less oil and way more fruit. The few nut heavy recipes I've made over the past few weeks, even the things we used to heartily enjoy, like walnut pate, leave us feeling sluggish and heavy. I haven't posted any recipes recently because in addition to being too busy to prepare anything interesting, we're eating primarily whole fruits and vegetable, nothing revolutionary.

So here's the plan: I bought The 80/10/10 Diet, which I am going to read. I've had it for a few weeks, but I think I've been scared to find reasons to want to change my diet further. I've also been really annoyed with the junk science in some of the raw books I've read previously, so I hope that this will be different.

We also purchased a treadmill, which was an incredibly huge investment. Scarily huge. I've been reading everything I can find about treadmills, and a lot of lower end models are good for walking, but don't have the structural integrity to withstand running, which is what Mad and I both want to do. So we went with a more expensive model that will hopefully last us for a long, long time. Once it arrives, I am going to start working on Couch to 5k, which is something I've wanted to do for a while.

This has been good. And it will get better.

-Eloise

Day 92

Incidental salad face

Three months raw. I just did a quick tally in my head and have figured out that we've eaten cooked meals 6 times in the last 92 days, which I think is pretty impressive. It's getting a lot easier to eat raw now that it's getting warm. I am really looking forward to the summer. Graduation is two weeks from tomorrow, and this will be the first time I'm not taking classes during summer term in three years. I know that it's going to be difficult for me not having Madeline around, though. Her work schedule has been really intense: 12-18 hours a day five, sometime six, days a week, and it's been a huge adjustment. I am incredibly happy that she's enjoying her work and finding it fulfilling, but selfishly, I do miss her very much. I will be working this summer, but I'll still have a lot more free time. I'm going to make the best of it and really focus on myself and my well-being over the coming months.

One thing that Mad and I have both noticed-reproductive organ alert- is that eating raw is kind of screwing with our periods. For years, Mad was on a consistent 27 day cycles, but she's been rather irregular these past three months. I have always been very irregular, but the time between ovulation and actually getting my period has noticeably lengthened and the physical symptoms, primarily bloating and tenderness, have become acute. I'm really not enjoying this development. I've been reading very good things about evening primrose oil, though, and I'm going to try taking supplements next month to see if that helps.

Tomorrow, Mad has a rare day off, and we're traveling to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival, which I am incredibly excited about. I have a huge batch of kale chips dehydrating and I made a giant fruit salad, so hopefully we'll have enough provisions to sustain us through the day. I highly doubt we'll find any raw vegan food among the fried oreos and lamb kebabs at the fairgrounds.

-Eloise

Day 88

Five 4.5 pounds of Medjool dates. Mmm.

Madeline called me the other night and asked if I wanted to meet her at work to get dinner. I hesitated for the briefest of moments. After all, we'd used up our self-imposed quota of one cooked meal per month with lunch the week prior. But I had been in the library working on research for the past 6 hours and Mad was going to be at work for 18 hours that day. As soon as she mentioned suishi, I was packing my things and heading out the door.

Dinner was fantastic. There's this amazing Japanese restaurant near her work, in a strip mall of all places. You wouldn't expect it to be so cute until you made it inside. We sat across from each other with a platter full of veggie rolls talking about how are days went. Madeline looked exceedingly sexy in her work clothes- dress slacks and shoes, white button up rolled up to the elbows. On a normal night, we change into PJs right after walking through the door and eat on the couch with salad bowls balancing on our bellies. It was just really nice to go out together, and I think it's really good for our relationship.

So this the long way to say that I've been thinking about what it means to eat raw (again), and how it's impacting my life. A lot of good things have come out of it. I am happier, healthier, more energetic, in love with my skin. I am eating much, much better. There are downsides, too, though. I am hyper aware of everything I'm eating, which I don't think is necessarily a good thing. If I had a smoothie for breakfast, a big salad for lunch and fruit throughout the day, I don't want to feel guilty because I had some rice with dinner.

As we're nearing three months, I'm going to let go a little. Everything we make and eat at home will still be raw, but eating out will be flexible. It'll be an occasional treat, as we've never eaten out more that every couple of weeks, anyway, and of course it will always be vegan. But I'm going to stop obsessing over whether or not I've had a cooked meal within the month. I think this is more a change of my state of mind, rather than circumstances, because really, does it make a huge difference to eat a cooked meal every three weeks as opposed to four. Not really. But relaxing and being able to enjoy it instead of feeling like I'm "cheating" is important to me.

It's kind of difficult to talk about being less than perfect here in the open, but I want to create an honest narrative. Eating raw isn't always easy, and it does involve sacrifice, both gastronomical and social. I know that I will never be one of the raw gurus, but I'm okay with that. Health is the goal for me, not purity.

I think I'm also going to expand my horizons here a little and include s0me knitting content every once in a while. I used to have a knitting blog, but I only finish a project every couple of weeks or so. Makes for slow updates. Doing so opens me up to another world of controversy, though.

I knit with wool.

Wool is not considered vegan.

I consider myself vegan.

There, I've said it. I was a knitter prior to being a vegan, and it's the one thing I never gave up. There are very good reasons for opting to abstain from wool, which I will not recapitulate, but direct you here if you're interested.

But I am also a materials engineer with a focus on textiles, and I can tell you that the production of almost every fiber has significant ecological repercussions. Many so-called green fibers are terrible, bamboo and recycled-from-soda-bottle polyester being my biggest pet peeves. Also, science cannot replicate nature, only mimic it if it's lucky, and there is nothing like wool for it's insulative, wicking and shape retention properties. It's good stuff.

So bottom line: I'm really not raw and I'm really not a vegan. Glad we cleared that up.

-Eloise

Day 82

I have been so incredibly hungry lately. Really, really famished. For the past two days, I have been this bottomless pit, eating everything in the house (which is luckily all raw). I made an indulgent, nut heavy apple crumble tonight. Madeline and I have already devoured half of it, which satiated me for a while, but I'm kind of hungry again. And I want something salty. That combined with the InstaThreePounds!^TM and the cup overfloweth that's been going on lately can only mean one thing: my body is preparing to gestate. Not that that's a possibility, but it's a good a reason as any to eat dessert.

The reason I bring this up is because I've noticed something. My skin is looking incredible. It's smooth and clear, and I'm not broken out at all, which is amazing. I know it sounds like I'm shamelessly boasting, but acne has been something I've dealt with for more than half my life now. I've pretty much got it under control with a regimented washing routine that's incredibly unnatural, but during ovulation, all bets are usually off. My skin very easily marks, too, so evidence of break outs tend to hang around long after the damage is done.

But this month, nothing. See?
Unexpected happy consequence of going raw.

-Eloise

p.s. Oh, boy. I have a bellyache. Waaaay to much apple crumple.

Day 77

At work today, we had a sidewalk sale, so I got to spend some time sitting in the sun (after being sufficiently sunblocked, of course). I was only out for about two hours in the late afternoon, and even then I tried to stay in the shade, because I burn quicker than toast. There was only a little shade, though, so as a result, one of my shoulders is a constellation of freckles and the other has only a few stragglers from last year. Heh.

I don't have a picture today. Not even a recycled one. My excuse is that my face hurts (sinuses), but really I just don't feel like taking some or hunting for one. I did feel like posting, though, so I decided that that shouldn't stop me.

The food of the week seems to be bananas. They're always a staple, but these past couple days, I'm really digging them. I just finished another banana shake, which I'm currently obsessed with. I told Mad I had to make one for her tonight, but she probably won't be home until almost 10. At that point, it's dinner and bed. I am very glad that she's happy with her job, but I am missing spending time together. I'll be happy when my schedule frees up for the summer so we can spend her mid-week days off together.

It's interesting to see the way our diets are evolving as we get further into this raw thing. I used to make fairly complex salads that I'd bring for lunch along with plenty of snacks: granola, some fruit, carrot sticks, etc, to get me through the day. Now, though, partially out of convenience, but mostly because I like it, I double my morning smoothie and split it into two quart sized mason jars. I drink one on the way to school and one later on when I get hungry. Other than that, I eat fruit until I get home at night and have dinner. I never would have thought that fruit would keep me going, but 3 bananas, 4 apples, 2 pears and sometimes a bowl of pineapple and mango and I'm set. It varies by what's in stock and in season. My purse has basically turned into a portable fruit bowl. I'm really looking forward to hitting up some pick-your-own farms this summer.

-Eloise

Day 63

Snacking on the go

I. Need. Kale.

You may have noticed that that's been a trend in my blog over the past week. What I've noticed is that my food cravings are very cyclical. In Victoria Boutenko's books, she stresses the importance of listening to your body for its nutritional needs. It's difficult at times for me to filter out my psychological cravings (No, Eloise, you will not die without bread), but there are strong patterns to my eating habits. The first week, all I wanted were avocados. I was bereft when they wouldn't ripen fast enough. Then it was olives, which I had never liked before. I always picked them out of my food. Two weeks ago were green smoothies. I'm still drinking them on a daily basis, sometimes twice a day, but not as ravenously as I had before.

Last week was mangoes. I needed mangoes. We had picked up five or six that we had to wait to ripen, but once I ate them, I had to have more. Seriously, we made an emergency trip out to Whole Foods to pick up a case of 18 (coincidentally, we ran into the twenty-somethings who live below us heading out for a beer run... the comparison of priorities cracks me up). I picked up a second case a couple days later, and between the two of us, we ate about 40 mangoes that week with me having eaten about 30 of them.

This week, it's kale. I have discovered kale salads, and I am obsessed. Savory with garlic and nutritional yeast, like I made last Sunday or sweet, like Kristen's Candy Kale salad, which I made the other day (and several times for lunch), I love it all. I even managed to make kale chips without eating it all first, which were delicious and really satisfy a chip craving. They're quick, too. Unlike a lot of dehydrated recipes that take 24 hours, give or take, this was about 5 hours to completion. We had some that night and they were even better the next day.

I've realized that it's silly to worry so much about the excessive amounts of kale I'm currently consuming, because this obsession will pass. Like mangoes, of which there are three or four in the fruit bowl, I'll continue to eat it, but it will not be my sole reason for existence. Something else will come along to fill that role, and I'm curious to see what's coming next.

My goal this week is to expand my dehydrator repertoire. I used it to to warm up a soup a made last night (Marvelous Mushroom Soup, doubled with half the almond butter and extra mushrooms to compensate. I thought it was alright, but Madeline really loved it), which worked well, but there's so much I could be doing with it. Top priority is to find a good cracker recipe.

-Eloise

Day 60

The following (one sided) dialogue is what occurred when I walked into the kitchen, camera in hand...

"Mad! I'm going to take your picture! Okay, smile!"

"Wait the flash was on, let me try again...Don't make a face at me, smile!"

"That's better."

Heh. She's been so busy at work lately that this is pretty much the most I've seen her in the past couple days.

Two months raw! It's definitely getting easier, and I'm definitely getting better at putting together meals. Preparing food has become kind of a mediation for me, which is good, because I do spend a ton of time in the kitchen. Right before going raw, I was talking to a co-worker at my weekend job about how great raw was going to be, and a customer who overheard me chimed in. He said that he had been raw for a while, but he hated having to think about what he was going to eat days in advance. I politely nodded and we went on to talk about the best places to get raw food in the city, but inside I was thinking, How long could it possibly take to make a salad?

How naive I was. We do eat plenty of salads, but I do my fair share of soaking, sprouting, slicing, processing, dehydrating... I spend a good couple hours in the kitchen everyday, and it's important to me to keep things interesting. It would be too difficult for me to stay committed to being raw if I wasn't willing to put in that time.

That being said, though, tonight's dinner was pretty quick. I made a variation of Kristen's Candy Kale Salad with kale (massaged with lemon juice, olive oil and sea salt), chopped dates, raisins (both soaked to plump), brazil nuts and strawberry slices. It was so incredibly good. The strawberry was a particularly inspired addition, if I say so myself, although that's makes it a poorly combined meal for those who follow those rules. I'm lax about them, but I can't help but note when my foods are "mis-combined".

I've lost weight this month, too, about 5 lbs. I can't say that's entirely because of going raw, though, but more of a lifestyle change. I've been watching calories, limiting nuts and oils and getting out to hike a couple times a week. I'm just a lot more conscious about the way I take care of myself, and I'm a lot more balanced for it.

-Eloise

Day 59: Are we rabbits?

Excuse me, but I believe that I am the rabbit here.

In the time before raw (BW, as it were), Madeline and I were junk food vegans. Discovering that Sweet Chili Doritos were vegan was cause for celebration. We would proffer up Oreos to any skeptical omnivore who wanted to know what we could possibly eat. We were not vegetable eaters. We rarely even kept fruit in the house. Tofu was made to be fried. And whenever we found ourselves in a social situation when the only vegan fare was salad, we'd sigh and roll our eyes at the 'rabbit food.'

All that, of course, has changed, and it happened fast for us. We were tired, gaining weight, unhappy with our bodies, but with little motivation or energy to make changes. We discussed going on a diet, but the prospect seemed bleak. Then Madeline came across a sample meal plan from David Wolfe's Sunfood Success Diet, and we were hooked. That night, we decided to go raw. We gave ourselves 1 month to prepare and research, and then we just jumped right in.

It was a rocky transition at first, going from pretty much 0% to 99% overnight. But I have no regrets and there's no turning back. In two short months, I am happier, healthier and more energetic. Which is not to say that being raw is a cure all. I still get frustrated by daily tribulations and overwhelmed by my coursework. I'm still tired at the end of a 18 hour day on 4 hours of sleep. I still rummage through a full fridge on occasion, exacerbated that there's nothing to eat. Being raw has not made me a shiny, happy person, and it's not a spiritual pursuit. But I feel better about myself and better nutrition gives me a better grounding to handle what comes my way. I do think I'm better for it.

So powered vegetables and fruit with a metric ton of greens and a few nuts and seeds leads me to believe that rabbit food is not all that bad. And maybe, perhaps, we are rabbits. Mr. Bingley, the English Angora who kindly shares his living space with us, is not so sure, but he certainly enjoys partaking in mealtime these days.

-Eloise

P.S. Mr. Bingley was neutered yesterday (which is very important for all animal companions). He's 6 months old, and it's amazing how fast he's grown. On the right, he was 6 weeks old, a little powder puff. And now I've successfully hijacked my own post with pictures of cute bunnies.

Day 55

Scenes from a hike

The combination of spring fever and senioritis (5 weeks to graduation!) is hitting me hard. On a gorgeous day like today, there's nothing more that I want to do than to get out there and take a hike. My day ends early and I will get the opportunity to in a few hours, but in the meantime, being stuck in a climate controlled office is torturous.

This is a fairly recent development, my love of the outdoors. Being paler than pale* and prone to horrific sunburns, as well as being less than athletically inclined, I was rarely allowed to even play outside as a kid without heavy armor. I have gone through cycles of being a gym bunny; there was a summer in high school that I logged 3 hours a day at the gym. However that (and my newly attained waist) quickly deteriorated during the school year. There's only so many hours a girl can log on the treadmill before feeling like she's turned into a hamster.

I never feel that way when I'm hiking. We live in a city (albeit in a less urban neighborhood) and it's rare to be able to look around and not be within 50 feet of at least a dozen cars But we are extremely lucky to live near an extensive park system with great trails, and you can really feel like you've gotten away from a couple hours, even though the traffic is just on the other side of the hill. I never feel more powerful or capable than when the sun is shining, I'm trekking up a steep incline and I can feel the core of muscles in my legs working to propel me forward. Going raw has completely shifted my perspective way beyond what I consume. I'm much more sensitive and responsive to my body and my environment.

Now, there is an ironic side to this extolment of the great outdoors (and disavowal of gym culture). Madeline and I have made it our goal to purchase a treadmill in the next few months, most likely from a second-hand sporting goods store. A large part of this has to do with her new job, which requires her to be there 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. We've been going for walks around the neighborhood when she gets home at night, but it's already dark and to get any real exercise in, she needs something more. I must say, I'm looking forward to it, too (as are our downstairs neighbors, they just don't know it yet). But I know that it won't supplant my love of getting out there and taking a hike.

-Eloise

*Fun party trick: find someone complaining that they're "so white!" and bet them that you're whiter... I've never lost and only tied once.

Day 51

I could have sworn I vacuumed that corner yesterday.

As awesome as the first day of break had been, the last day was the opposite. I'm just really not looking forward to losing the free time I've had, and it really doesn't help that it's that time of month when my bras don't fit and that sappy Taylor Swift song makes me teary. I've been peckish all day, which sounds cute and dainty, until you realize that it means I've spent half the day with my butt hanging out of the fridge looking for yet another snack.

It was one of those days when everything was a little off. I had planned to be out on the trails at ten, but lacked the motivation until almost noon. I attempted to make sunflower milk, but have come to realize that no one makes sunflower milk because it tastes like a plant. I got out my tools to mount a ceiling hook for a three-tiered hanging fruit basket in the kitchen (we have plaster ceilings so the hook needed to be anchored. It took my drill, hammer and pliers) only to put the apples in and have one of the chains snap. It was just the apples! I had mangoes, plums and avocados that were meant to go in there, too, Though even I wasn't ambitious to hope that the four bunches of ripening bananas would also fit... I'm going to have to take it back to the store and hope that I can get a refund.

To be fair, though, it was really a productive day overall. I have realized when I said the other day that I don't have any more energy than before, it's because I'm still tired at the end of the day. What I hadn't taken into account was everything that I've been doing during the day. Pre-raw, a normal day off would have found me typically sleeping in, knitting and catching up on shows on the DVR. I would have showered and gotten something ready for dinner eventually, but really, that would be it. This is what I did today (and keep in mind, it was a grumpy, pms-y day):

1. Woke up at 8:30
2. Set walnuts and sun dried tomatoes to soak for dinner. Set clover and lentils to soak for sprouting.
3. Attempted (and failed) to make sunflower seed milk
   
4. Went for a 90 minute hike
5. Stopped by the produce market to top up the fridge
6. Hung the fruit basket and watched it fall (it's extraordinarily difficult to hammer and screw things into the ceiling)
7. Removed the microwave from the kitchen and set up a sprouting station in its place
   
8. Did two loads of laundry (requires 4 trips up and down four flights of stairs)
9. Took out the garbage (more stairs)
10. Prepared zucchini pasta with puttanesca sauce, not-meat balls and sunflower parmesan for dinner (comfort food)
11. Made lunch for tomorrow
12. Made zucchini hummus for the rest of the week
13. Washed three sinkfuls of dishes (what I wouldn't give for a dishwasher...)

I sat down for ten minutes while eating lunch, but that was about it until Madeline got home and we had dinner. No wonder I'm tired! I do admit that as reluctant as I am some days, I always feel better after I get out and go hiking, or even just take a walk. It's important.

More kitchen news: our raw kitchen is soon to be complete. Mad decided we couldn't wait any longer, so we ordered a dehydrator. I do admit that more than anything, I miss my crunchy, carby foods. We got a really good deal by purchasing a refurbished model from Excalibur. It's not the model with the timer, but I'm going to purchase one of those automatic Christmas tree light timer, so hopefully that will work. I have a list of recipes to try, starting with this corn chip recipe. It's challenging, though, to find recipes that are more vegetable, rather than nut based. As good as they are too eat, I try not to eat too much heavy food.

When we first went raw, setting up the kitchen was the most daunting part. We estimated that it would cost us around $800 to purchase the appliances we'd need ($400 for blender, $250 for dehydrator, $150 for food processor). By shopping around, reading reviews and figuring out where we could cut back, though, our grand total is around $400. Not pocket change, certainly, but by budgeting, we were able to make it work. I'm so excited for the dehydrator to get here!!

-Eloise

Day 49

Ethel is not a morning cat.

I, however, am unexpectedly becoming a morning girl. I'm not sure if it's the result of becoming raw or simply learning to listen to my body, but if I've had a full night's sleep, I'm finding it easier to get up the morning. On my days off, I used to sleep well into the afternoon and feel tired and sluggish the rest of the day. If I set the alarm for 8 hours after going to bed, though, I feel much more alive and awake, not to mention the fact that I have extra hours in my day. Now if only 8am classes after 6 hours of sleep were any easier...

Yesterday was a great day. Madeline and I had tickets (since November!) to see a Wanda Sykes show, and we've been looking forward to a night out for so long. Mad had to be at work during the day, but I was productive at home. I took a hike, stopped by the produce market, cleaned the kitchen and prepared a raw meal for us to take. I'm really going to miss all this extra time when my spring break ends on Tuesday.

We had been planning to eat at a raw restaurant the was located near the theater, but the website was deceptive. Despite looking fully functional, they closed in 2007! We were really looking forward to eating out, but we are lucky enough to have a vegan restaurant with a raw night in walking distance that we'll try one of these days. And most importantly, at least we figured it out before getting there. Instead, I packed us a car picnic. I was really happy with the meal. I'm going to post the recipes so I don't lose them in cyberspace.

Indian Coleslaw from Raw and Living Foods
3 cups green cabbage, finely chopped
3 cups tomatoes, chopped
1 cup fresh grated coconut
1/2 cup peanuts, ground (make sure they're raw, not roasted)
1 large date, soaked, pitted and mashed
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2 tbsp. peanut oil (Flora Oils) or use olive oil
1/2 tsp. ground brown mustard seed
1/2 tsp. ground cumin seed
1/4 tsp. turmeric
pinch asafoetida (see Glossary)
1 tbsp. minced Jalapeño, or to taste (optional)
Nama Shoyu and/or Celtic sea salt, to taste

1) Mix first 4 ingredients together in a large bowl and set aside.
2) In a small bowl, mash the soaked date, add in the balance of the ingredients, and blend to a smooth dressing.
3) Pour the dressing into the cabbage and tomato mixture and mix well.

Serves 4. This salad keeps well for 2-3 days in the refrigerator.

My adaptations: I doubled the dressing, since the cabbage seemed too dry and used a red chili pepper in place of the jalapeño. I left out the asafoetida because I didn't realize we had it in the house. Madeline said that it tasted south Indian and recommended adding some tamarind, so we'll try that next time.

Dessert was experimental on my part, and I was very, very happy with the way it turned out.

Mango Pie
Crust and topping:
1 cup pecans
1/2 cup shredded coconut
1/2 tsp cinnamon
Dash of salt
4 dates
1/4 cup raisins

Filling:
3 peels, pitted and cubed champagne mangoes

Put the pecans, coconut, cinnamon and salt in the food processor with an S blade and process until a fine meal. Add dates and raisins and process until mixture begins to clump together. Divide into 4 equal portions. Press one portion each into the bottom of two dessert cups. Puree the mangoes in the food processor until smooth. Pour into dessert cups and top with remaining nut mixture. Refrigerate to set (or put it in the freezer to speed up the process).

We have a ton of mangoes in the house at the moment. They were on sale, and there was nothing more that I wanted in the world at the time, so we bought two cases: 36 mangoes! We've been eating mango salads and mango puddings, but mostly just straight up mangoes. I had five for lunch the other day. Fresh fruit used to be such a luxury for us. It was too expensive and too often went bad before we ate it. I love that we're eating as much as we want, whenever we want. Produce no longer gets the chance to go bad anymore.

-Eloise

P.S. Blogger is driving me nuts! Despite my best efforts, the computer is choosing font sizes all willy nilly- though mostly extra small. Will work on resolving that soon.... though not tomorrow morning. My parents are coming for a visit, which is my personal equivalent of hearing The British are coming! I will be vacuuming the carpets, couches, walls and possibly the cats in preparation.